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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

On Love Spells

Dear Neophyte,


I've heard many conflicting suggestions for how to find the perfect mate.  Some are ridiculous sounding and some are pretty reasonable.  Two of the most popular suggestions for spell working are 1) be specific and 2) let the Universe sort it out!


While these are obvious contradictions I decided I could have the best of both.  A man the universe finds for me that is not 'perfect' but at least has my shared commons.  I wrote up a perfect man contract and if I ever do a love spell, reading each of these aloud to the Gods is diffidently going to be part of the working.  


Where as the Universe, being a non-entity, isnt partial and will often send you what you asked for in a different package, the Gods can be told exactly what your looking for and asked to keep specific things in mind when going a-hunting on your behalf :-)



Perfect Man Contract

First and foremost, he must understand:
I am one of Gods own prototypes; an oddity never considered for mass production.  So far they havnt found a second member of my species.

Must show respect, have solid morals values and manors. They must be about the same as mine in order to ensure peace.  While I dont suggest being anal, I also wont stand for lax codes of personal conduct.

Must be Environmentally mindful.  Lack of empathy is a sign of emotional illness that foreshadows abuse.

Must be a nature lover. Must love being outdoors during all seasons. Must understand the romance of wet moss and slick tree bark. Must have a heart that is open to Mother Nature and all her creatures.  If you dont like spending time outside and with animals of all kinds, this is a deal breaker. 
            
You dont need to be religious but you need to respect that I am.  My home and my life reflect this.
             
My family is matriarchal threw choice.  Our union will be a duality of power.  That being stated, I'm keeping my name if I get married.  I hate children so you dont have to worry about that, but know I stand strongly on the right of women to pass their own name on to their offspring.  

The idea of polygamy dosent bother me in theory.  In practice, I have no idea though the suggestion to bring another into our fold will not be shoved aside.

I would like to get Handfasted for my legally binding marriage. That being said, I do not believe that you have to be legally bound to be married, or enjoy married life. 

If you ever hit me, I will fucking destroy you. I'm not Wiccan so dont mistake that I dont know how to harm as well as heal.

Must understand that you cannot actually cheat on a person with books. Yes, they take up all my free time, keep me entertained and drain all my spare money away. I come with a mistress and her name is Books. She will require her own room with floor to ceiling, wall-to-wall book shelves and a desk against a window that overlooks a garden. She will also require the use of your car to go pick up all her friends from BAM Camp, and possibly your credit card. How much can we mortgaged the house for…?

While looks are not everything, if you are overweight and a slob, dont bathe regularly and are hairy as an ape - this is a deal breaker. 

Financially independent with his own dwelling and transportations.  Not being financially independent is a deal breaker, but living with and caring for an elderly parent or not owning a car due to inability to drive (medical reason or whatnot) is fine.

Must be able to keep house to the same standard I do and must know how to cook basic nutritious meals.  Not knowing the first is a deal breaker as getting a girlfriend is not akin to hiring a maid.

Talk to me. That is all.

Salutations, 
Sesh

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