Dear Neophyte,
My sister has recently discovered the Asatru religion through her husband, who is an Odinist. Asatru is also known as Heathenry (heathens). As soon as we got to Portland we go to work trying to find groups that involved our individual branches of Paganism (mine being Kemetic). It didn't take her long to find a kindred (Asatru "coven") nearby, but I am having no such luck.
This kindred is a very involved group of people and I confess I my jealousy. Kemetic groups who arn't racist are as rare as Norse paganism groups who arn't racists. One excludes non-blacks and the other excludes non-whites. Nevermind my great grandfather is black... I'm white as Irish sand. When my sister found this group she was so happy. They do charity, they hold rituals and gatherings, the leader even makes their own mead, cans her own food and makes jelly. So many things that I like.
I asked my sister if they minded if I tagged along for their outings, yes treating it like a social group more than a religion I am looking to break into. I hadn't even read about Asatru at that point. My sister plans to get Handfasted at one of their sumbels in two weeks. Obviously I want to go. The leader invites me to her home for an interview to make sure I'm not crazy. Apparently this is an issue they've had in the past.
First off, I'm checking her out as much as she's checking me out. I don't tell her this because most people will act differently, my sister being one of them, but I am making sure this lady is not a nut and her group is not a cult.
The meeting was a little intense. She is very opinionated, going so far as to insist that I had let a man steal my power earlier that day just by being polite to him when he glanced at my breasts and used complimenting my shirt as a cover. I had thanked him for the compliment to my attire and changed the subject. She then went on a little rant about the patriarchy and how Christianity is a made up religion to control the masses. Yes, yes, Thank you, I was raised Southern Baptist, I know all this already and yes I've read the Bible too and I know the commandment that admits there is more than one god.
I don't think she's very used to learned individuals showing up at her door. Either way I caught myself starting at her during the little tangents and hoping to change the subject. As a female I'm aware I have been subjugated and as an American I am aware that Christianity is being shoved down my throat. Moving on...
Near the beginning she asked me to tell her what kind of Pagan I am. I barely got out that I was Kemetic before she cut me off. I'm kind of glad she's used to doing most of the talking as I didn't want to get into my beliefs just yet (as many are still undefined) and I have no set "path" I am on anymore. She didn't ask me what associations I was a member of or anything about my history, but did ask how I came to be Kemetic. I barely got out a short paragraph about my interest in Egypt and how I was called to the Egyptian gods through their animal companions when she flew into details about how the Norse gods had animal companions as well. Yes, I know that. Smile. Almost every deity has an animal companion. I know that as well. Smile. Nod. I get the distinct impression that she isn't too interested in learning about others as she is at just simple screening to make sure people arn't cooks. I'm OK with that. Brisk is nice when I don't even have full answers to what she was asking me.
Then she inquired as to why I wanted to go to Sumbel. My initial reaction was "I need people who speak my LANGUAGE!!" but instead calmed down and said that I would like to be around a group of like minded individuals as there are NONE in the South that I could find (who weren't fluffy bunnies AND had their shit together). After a pause, I also mentioned that I was interested in learning more about their religion. ... as she was cutting me off to point out that I could find that information on the internet I was also thinking, "And my sister is getting HANDFASTED, why would I NOT be there??"
To say the last I get the feeling her group is not actively seeking new members, nor is it a teaching circle of any kind.
We learned about the wierdos that have turned up in the past and how they got run off. I was told how they expected the Gods to be praised during Sumbel (I intend to praise my ancestors instead) and warned to never, EVER invoke the name of Loki or I'd scrubbing the sacred space with salt from here to Ragnarok. Oh, yeah and here's a recipe for home made marshmallows but NO, you can't have my mead recipe. Kindred secret --_^
Somewhere between asking for this recipe and leaving her house we also discussed my status as single, UNAVAILABLE, childless-by-choice female. Everything she had said that put me off (about christianity, my weakness, cutting me off when I was trying to answer questions) turned to ash and sprouted new life when she said, "You don't want kids?" "No." "Then don't have them!" "I'm not." I didn't know what else to say. At no point in my life have I ever intended to let a man get me barefoot and pregnant. I've seen what that does to other Southern women. I'm not having it. She asked me how old I was and if I was married. I told her and she called me a pup. My response was to tell her that maybe I'm not old enough to say, "I told you so!" to everyone who still tells me I'll change my mind about men, but I feel I AM old enough to say it to everyone who naysayed me since I was 12. At that she looked at me and said, "You don't date?" I affirmed that I do not and when she asked if I was strait my sister and I both said yes at the same time. When she prompted more I said I havn't found a man I resonate with yet and I'm just waiting. Which is true but I'm still not having kids. I said the men where I'm from arn't worth it and the next time I hear a man bitch about the friend zone I'm going to punch his teeth down his throat. Then I apologized for cussing in front of her kids (2 boys doing homework on the table behind us in the kitchen). She laughed.
On the way home Melissa and I both looked at each other and said at the same time, "I get the distinct impression she doesn't understand how it is for women in the South." We both agreed. Women who are strong minded and independent in the South, who don't put up with men sexually objectifying and harassing them - are beaten and raped into submission. The lady kept saying, "We're heathen women! We're strong!" No, you're not stronger than four men holding you down and spitting on you and telling you your place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. And that was just one of the many times I got "taught my place" while growing up in Tennessee.
The thing is... I'm very, very glad she never had to grow up in that situation. It gives me comfort and relief to find out that it IS just the South that beats it's females until they are either meek wallflawers ("teases") or sluts who are actually convinced they need to yield to the attention of those men in order to be approved of. My heart beats a new kind of joy that I am finally somewhere where maybe I can turn a man down and he won't tell me I'm just playing hard to get.
I asked Melissa why the lady was so curious about my single-and-not-looking status and was informed that, "You are a rare bird. People are curious about that." At least once every 3 years her mother asks if I'm a lesbian. One of these days Melissa is going to say yes just to shock her. Won't that be fun! I wanted to assure this lady that I was not here to reek havoc on the men in her group. Some people fear the sexuality of single women and will exclude them from social functions. Gladly this was not the case.
Either way I think I have a group I can at least go to one ritual with (after I read all the information on Asatru that my sister and this lady give me) and perhaps hang out for social events. I'm so excited that 14 years after taking my first baby steps into Paganism I finally am going to meet a group of Pagans and discuss Pagan things with them in the open and not have to whisper it! Oh, my GODS! ALL MY GODS!
The next day (today) I am reading about Asatru. It's interesting but defiantly not the religion for me. If their rituals are too rowdy, as I am told they can be, then I won't have a problem going back to solo and even if I like it I'm still trying to find another group that is Kemetic focused
While I was thinking about the websites I would need to read I passed a black bird feather. Immediately I though of Odin and His raven familiars. I almost didn't pick it up but then I went back and got it. I gifted it to Hecate since the Raven is also one of Her familiars as well. Almost like she's saying, "Hey, you're reading about these other Gods but just remember Who is already here!"
Salutations,
Sesh
