I find myself wondering how I can bring more magic into my life. My goal as a hearth witch is to truly experience mindful living. To be aware of the positive and negative around me and to manipulate that energy to make my home a happy and welcome place. It's about living ritual as an offering to the my Matrons. To be a true Priestess.
Often I ask myself why I'm doing this. It's not that I dont like being a Hearth Witch - I love it! - but that I am a housekeeper for a married couple and their friend and they are slobs. Examples are leaving clothing on the floor when the hamper is three feet away, spilling things and never cleaning it up, constantly losing things because they arnt put back where they go and not caring for their animals.
I'm face with being the mother to three grown children who outrank me. By that I mean they treat me like a maid who is expected to clean up after them and yet never touch the stuff they leave laying all over the place... Yeah, I dont get it either :)
They are disrespectful of my religion, environmental activism, animal protests and wasteful of every resource they have. The wife has been my friend for over a decade and it was her idea for me to move in and keep house for her and her new husband.
Over the last four years I've had to do a great deal of rationalizing why I stay here and am currently still rationalizing as I cross each one of these off my list (for employer making the enactment of that item an impossibility). And here is my list:
1. Nesting. My nesting instinct is stronger than my fight response. I'm also Aquarian so I tend to be very flexible and adaptable. I dont however like it when things keep changing for the worse and never even take a baby step back to 'better'.
2. Purpose. Keeping house gives me a purpose and a vocation. It gives me confidence and makes me feel good about my practical skills.
3. Cooking. I like to cook and this kitchen they have is decked out with every cooking appliance you need to be world-class. Including a Cuisinart food processor, quality knives and an industrial strength stand alone mixer. They have a full set of corning ware and pyrex dishes for both baking and serving. And a pizza stone :D
4. Garden. Their yard is big enough that I have had a garden for 2 of the four years I've been here. The produce is much appreciated and the peeps love em :)
5. Nurturing. I like having people depend on me. In a normal relationship this is co-dependency where you give and get something in return. My relationship with my employers has turned into being a drain on me and I'm getting nothing in return anymore. I dont get paid for my job (just room and bored, I provide everything else myself) and I was recently informed that if I needed to go anywhere or wanted anything that I had to provide the funds for it myself.
6. History. Tending the hearthfire is a tradition in my family. Every woman in my family tended the fire and raised her children alone. I'm just carrying on the tradition.
7. Worship. There is something religious and spiritual and connecting about cooking and cleaning and caring for a family (even if your no longer a member...). Like living your religion and bringing it out in everyday objects and threw your everyday rites.
The trials and tribulations of my situation are like the fire that is tempering me. It's like the "Ordeal" that marks the ending of one Degree and the beginning of another. Like a rite of passage in a land where such things are no longer enacted - except when a girl turns 16 and is of childbearing age o_0
But I hate children. With a fiery pasison of a THOUSAND suns! In fact, I'd gather them all up and launch them into the sun if I could :D <-- this statement wont garner me any love amongst all the parents out there, but you have to know how I grew up if you want to understand it all. Otherwise, feel free to hypocritically judge with complete blindness and immunity from guilt ^_^
Salutations,
Sesh
p.s....
Notice I"m the only one nOt being followed around by a skinny brat (and wasnt even before everyone got their achievement and went the hell away)
Got a problem with starving kids? Send a box of condoms with every can of SPAM and in 20 years this problem will have fixed itself! (I'm brilliant, right??! lol)
p.s.s. This post is part of a larger post that can be found at Livejournal.com under the name witchhearth.
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